Why me? Why?
Each day I wake up thinking 'Is today the day?' but no, it never flipping is!
Everyday is a different experience, some days you're nice, some days you blank me, some days you're silent and some days you could be like the best person ever but lately its disappearing. You're being nothing. I don't like you being a nothing. :( Also, each day I say to myself 'I wish I could explain how I feel' but I can't, my shyness takes over me. I dislike my shyness. To you, you think Im the most confident person ever, but really, I am not at all. Deep down inside I am just a harmless innocent girl who is afraid to say what she really feels to anyone. I hate being this, I hate what I have become and I wish I could change for the better, but I can't. Ever since my year 2 teacher spoke down at me and belittled me...My confidence died. I just wish I had another teacher when I was 7 years old and maybe, just maybe, I might still have that confidence I had 11 years ago. I miss that me.
Whoa, reading that back sounds so deep and meaningful, I kind of like it. I have to admit...That has to be one of my deepest blogs so far. Eeep.
I just needed to write that as I have had such a crap day today.
Being spoken down to is horrible and I think noone should have to go through it at all. Its mean and hurtful. Experiencing that again today just brought back memories from 11 years ago, yeah so back then it was by a teacher which is bad but today was just as bad. It was by a friend, a friend who I have known for about 4 years and calling me all these things like 'shy' 'rude' 'arrogant' etc just made me think...Do I really know who my friends are, if I can have 1 friend say that to me then how many more of my friends think that. Gah I'm such a freak!
I just wish, really wish, that I had a best friend to tell this all to -this is making me cry- a best friend who I can let out all my secrets to, like who I am crushing on, who I hate, whats going on in my life etc. TBH I don't have none of that no more. Most of my friends have buggered off some place else and left me alone. I just feel that this blog is my best friend as its the only thing I can place my secrets and thoughts to.
Im gonna go now, I think I have written too much.
Bye
xxxxxx
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