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hello world. And hello day at work -sigh-
really cba to go, someone stop me...I like being at home, its boring but better than working my ass off for 4 hours and coming home with back and leg pain...=[ also got to get bus to work as its too far to walk and mum is at work herself. sux2bme!

its nearly friday...woooooop. Am all ready to go now, just need to pack, which i'd be doing tomorrow evening or friday morning, depending if im meeting blake on friday as its his 17th birthday and i promised to go round and say happy birthday to him as he saved me on thursday when i fainted.

meh not much else to say now. so im going to go now. i will be back tomorrow byeee
xxx

bad grammer today; im in a lazy cba mood

happier

a lot happier.
Today should be good. Work should be good too, if Sarah remembers her promise from last week -she promised to retrain me on the checkout- ah well, i will remind her...just need to find out what time she starts today...but cba to text her haha. How lazy am I?
Parents are off to Chelsea's football ground to watch a bunch of celebrities -so jealous- play football for charity. Brother is mega excited as its his fave footie teams ground haha bless. I would of gone too but I couldn't due to work and party tonight. Ah well, always next year...although i think i have a lot going on next year...what with uni things going on in 2010. eeeee uni!!!! I wont go into that until nearer the time.

But yes, I am a lot better today after having a great sleep. Probs the best sleep ever this month...which is odd imo -in my opinion for those who dont know- I like making my words shorter...hence me saying cba btw tbh tbc tba g2g brb and imo...haha its the british way i think

well i am going to go now,need to find my autograph book as i want celebs to sign it for me lol
cyaaa tomorrow night...i'd be dead again i can tell if i drink as much as i did on friday

here it comes...

My rant of the week (well its not really a rant but some might call it that)

Party last night, everyone drank a little more than their used to and some things got out of control. A girl passed out, some blood was found in the bathroom and I started accussing my two best friends of getting off with each other which turned into a crying session. 

I love my two best friends a lot, but seeing them get to close to each other just brought me to tears. Seeing them snuggling up together made me emotional, all that was going through my head was 'that should be me' because all my friends know I like him, which made it even worse because they were the ones to tell me bout them both. So with me sitting on the stairs with Blake, Lewis, Mark, Louis, Ian and Amy just showed to me people cared about me last night. Whenever they walked together I just burst into tears; is that normal?
I even remember shouting at them both saying I was upset and angry with the pair of them getting close and all they said was 'we're drunk'    whatever!

Im starting to well up now just writing this. 

I truely truely do like this guy a lot but now seeing this just proves he doesn't like me the same way. Drunk or sober! 
So tonight, I have decided to pluck up the courage and tell him all. If I could tell them it angered me to see them  both like that, then I am sure i can tell him how I feel, truely! 

Woopty flipping do

Life is going back to awkwardness again. Just what I need!

Why me? Why? 

Each day I wake up thinking 'Is today the day?' but no, it never flipping is! 

Everyday is a different experience, some days you're nice, some days you blank me, some days you're silent and some days you could be like the best person ever but lately its disappearing. You're being nothing. I don't like you being a nothing. :( Also, each day I say to myself 'I wish I could explain how I feel' but I can't, my shyness takes over me. I dislike my shyness. To you, you think Im the most confident person ever, but really, I am not at all. Deep down inside I am just a harmless innocent girl who is afraid to say what she really feels to anyone. I hate being this, I hate what I have become and I wish I could change for the better, but I can't. Ever since my year 2 teacher spoke down at me and belittled me...My confidence died. I just wish I had another teacher when I was 7 years old and maybe, just maybe, I might still have that confidence I had 11 years ago. I miss that me. 

Whoa, reading that back sounds so deep and meaningful, I kind of like it. I have to admit...That has to be one of my deepest blogs so far. Eeep. 

I just needed to write that as I have had such a crap day today. 

Being spoken down to is horrible and I think noone should have to go through it at all. Its mean and hurtful. Experiencing that again today just brought back memories from 11 years ago, yeah so back then it was by a teacher which is bad but today was just as bad. It was by a friend, a friend who I have known for about 4 years and calling me all these things like 'shy' 'rude' 'arrogant' etc just made me think...Do I really know who my friends are, if I can have 1 friend say that to me then how many more of my friends think that. Gah I'm such a freak! 

I just wish, really wish, that I had a best friend to tell this all to -this is making me cry- a best friend who I can let out all my secrets to, like who I am crushing on, who I hate, whats going on in my life etc. TBH I don't have none of that no more. Most of my friends have buggered off some place else and left me alone. I just feel that this blog is my best friend as its the only thing I can place my secrets and thoughts to.

Im gonna go now, I think I have written too much. 

Bye 

xxxxxx

Happy Birthday

TO ME 

arghhhh 

finally this day is here, the day I turn into an adult and leave from being a child. IT FEELS GREAT! :) I love it. I feel rich as well....mmm i love money :) :) :)

last night was awesome, went out with college friends from this year and last year and had so much fun!!! Pizza hut and a booze up in a field, lovely. 

Tonights going to be better. Boozing it up in a bar/pub/club till im off my face. Nice!!! So excited for it. 

Sorry for not blogging much, I'm losing interest -cries-

someone help me blog again!